I have been in a strange place these past few days. I was so content for many days without any hyperventilating or breath holding and now I can’t stop either of them. I am frustrated about that! But, my mood is good and I feel happy inside, even though I am struggling to breathe.
I wanted to write about that because for the past two days I have had important things happen. One of them was a meeting I was so excited about for a long time. I will write about that some other time, but because I was so hyper and struggling with breath holding, I felt really embarrassed. I usually don’t have that feeling, but I really wanted to hear what was being said and I was so restless, it was distracting. I hate that! It’s hard to have my body do what it wants, even when my mind is screaming no!
I was suppose to go to my women’s study group today, but because of my restless body I decided it would be too hard for me to be there. It’s even more hard when the room is quiet and the only sounds are a person’s voice and the sound of me hyperventilating.
Since it has been beautiful here this week I have been getting outside some, but it’s still a little cool. So, today and yesterday, my Mom and I went for long drives around the country and saw some beautiful areas. I have chosen a bunch of books for my Ipod that my sister Leah got for me. While we were driving we listened to one of my books, and I just finished it today. I felt so inspired by it. It was written by Chris Tomlin, who is a musician and worship leader. He shared his story of how he began playing music and how much he always loved to sing and perform. I think the best part for me was to hear him share his struggles and to hear him say how hard it was when he started singing for people. The title is: The Way I was Made. He knew that he loved music and was passionate about worshipping, so he kept praying for a life where he could do that. I heard him say to not forget, each one of us was created for something special. And even if we have many challenges in our lives, we are unique and our purpose is different from anyone else. We don’t need to be the same as anyone else! We are not created to be copies of other people, but to become who we were created to be.
I needed to be reminded of this today, because as I struggle with my body and the embarrassment I feel sometimes, being with normal people, I realized that God knows me best and He isn’t embarrassed of me. Even if I do things that are distracting to others, God knows my heart and how much I want to be free from these struggles. Maybe my weakness is the thing that can be the most help to others. Chris Tomlin said that many times he has seen how God doesn’t use the things that we are strongest in to help other people, but the things that are our biggest challenge.
I was helped by this today.