Grandpa and me in May 2009
I had an unusual and wonderful time today. I knew this morning that Grandpa was not doing well and would not be alive much longer. It was so important to me to get to the nursing home to see him again. We got there around 9:30A and stayed there until 1:30P.
He and I have been seeing each other more in the past two months, than we did for many years. I looked forward to seeing him every single time because he started really seeing me. In the past, he didn’t know how to interact with me, so he would either ignore me or talk loud to me. But since he has gotten very ill, his view of me has opened, so he can see me. Those of us who struggle in our bodies from a very young age, often find those who are elderly to better relate to us. If they don’t pity us, but can see us for who we are, we heal. For me and Grandpa there became an understanding. When I sent him cards the hospice nurse said he valued them so much. He couldn’t believe that I would notice him. He always thought he needed to care for me.
I look forward to going to heaven when it’s my time. I don’t fear death. I know some people think they need to shelter me, because I might not handle it too well when someone is dying, but I think I am as real as anyone in the room. I live with death nearby. It’s not frightening to me. I understand that in heaven I am free. I’m not stuck in this body that has given me so many struggles. I was glad to be there today. Grandpa was able to put his arm against my leg while I rested it on his bed. He seemed to find comfort in it. I told him good-bye and that I would see him in heaven. I hope he goes without struggling so much. There is little to stay here for. I love what has become of a long and difficult relationship. I feel peace and I wish Grandpa the same. He will see me soon through new eyes.
Go in peace Grandpa. I love you.